btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
