he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
