McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
