I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
