i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
