his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
a search helicopter?!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
