THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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