big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
