he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
