There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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