I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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