is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
