Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I smell stomach acid.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
