I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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