i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
