I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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