can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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