i barfeds in our rink
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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