so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
