Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
