oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
