dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
