My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
