u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
