I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
soo... how was my night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
