if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
