dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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