Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
