Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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