you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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