Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
