He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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