She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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