Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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