Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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