just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
