I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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