i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
