well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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