This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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