Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
