Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
