Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
