Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
