Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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