if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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