The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
