People in love make me want to vomit
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
