literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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