you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
